we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
