new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
