Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
