Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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