My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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