he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
