I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
