Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
