yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
