Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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