I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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