Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
