I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
