i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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