I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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