Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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