6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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