The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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