All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
