....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize