I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
