I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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