why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
