I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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