this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
