Apparently you make a good broom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
