Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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