and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
