Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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