Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
