Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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