watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
