Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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