You just made me feel so damn special
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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