happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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