Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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