I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
