I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
