i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
