im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
