Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
