How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
