We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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