Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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