Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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