I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
