i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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