Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
