i just had sex bonerless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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