brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
