i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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