I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
