Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
