I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
