The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
