before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
