also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
