so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
