Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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