I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
babies were throwing up all over the place
4 words: hood of his car
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
