Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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