i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
