just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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