it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
