How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
