***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
