just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we should paint friendship bongs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
