I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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