guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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