Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
