speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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