She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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