Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
